When I left my corporate career in early 2020, I didn’t fully understand the ways that I would, in later years, slowly become decoupled and desynchronized from a society that values hustle, status, and self-worth generated to a large degree around our career titles. You’ll read the same thing repeatedly on the internet: Ignore the haters, do your thing.
But when I actually sit down and talk with those who are living a similar nontraditional lifestyle, regardless of their financial position, I find that the tidy internet talking points leave many of us dissatisfied. After all, humans are one of the most social species on the planet. We shouldn’t be surprised by the difficulty in overriding instinct, to go against the grain of what the herd values most. My thinking has evolved dramatically on this subject in recent years, so let’s dig in.
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The Nontraditional Lifestyle and Self-Worth in a Job Title
Here’s the thing: when I worked in the corporate world in a job I mostly found unsatisfying, the world seemed to largely accept this as normal. At a gathering of friends or family, I felt almost proud* when someone asked me what I did for a living. Upon reflection, I was satisfied to call myself a scientist because I was doing science. I mean, well, sort of. Most days I was bored nearly to tears and just changed the color bar scheme on a map or shuffled some words on a PowerPoint because an executive said something about the bottom line and cutting the extra detail. Occasionally though I got to flex my background of dedicated university study. And that felt good.
When my wife and I discovered financial independence and began pursuing it with the fervor of the possessed, I naturally imagined what else might be possible. I started this blog a few years later because I felt a strong calling to write. And when I googled what to write about, the internet said to write about what you know. At the time, my two primary obsessions were rock climbing and personal finance. So nine months later Clipping Chains came slimy and wailing into the world.
And that was fine, for a while. I was still working with my prestigious-sounding Senior Scientist Man title while carving out time to write about the intersection of money and adventure on the internet anonymously. Well, sort of.
*As an oil and gas geologist hailing from a largely progressive background, the mention of my job sometimes garnered a few head tilts or words unsaid.
Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Shared My Nontraditional Lifestyle
When I launched this website, I sent a mass email to a bunch of friends and family members to introduce them to the blog. I had two initial thoughts in deciding to share:
1. This path felt incredibly empowering and I wanted others to experience the same sense of control and freedom.
2. I didn’t know how to bring up the subject of personal finance in casual conversation. I’ve always been a better writer than an unscripted talker, so I figured I’d just lay it all out bare on the internet and let folks take it in.
With hindsight, I should have been more selective in sharing. I’ve met many new wonderful people through this project, but I’m fairly certain relationships with some already in my familiar circle were compromised.
What I Didn’t Understand
I failed to realize how discussions of money can be both galvanizing and emotionally fraught. I also failed to fully appreciate that these sorts of processes—spreadsheets and money and long-term planning—are naturally suited to my personality. Sure, making changes and forming new habits is instrumental in securing financial freedom. However, the required modifications were largely weaknesses within my strengths.
I also didn’t fully appreciate or acknowledge the extent of luck in our outcome. Yes, we made key decisions that others would not have given similar circumstances. But we were lucky in our timing (career and market) and we were lucky to have the wherewithal to capitalize on those opportunities.
For someone who struggles with spreadsheets and money and long-term planning for any reason, my words might have landed as elitist bragging. While some friends and family came out as immediately supportive and even inspired, others did not. No one has ever said anything directly. I’ve only picked up on considerably more vague signals, a sort of passive tone of dismissiveness or chilly distance that seems to have begun around the time I shared my initial thoughts in late 2018.
And some of it is warranted.
…When we believe we are creating inspiration by sharing a proud achievement, what we might also be seeding is envy. And envy pushes people away.
Boasting is Easy
With the glaring incandescence of hindsight, I cringe at many of my early posts—a typical sentiment of creators. We evolve and so too does our work. When we look back at earlier products, we see a less-developed shell of ourselves. But it’s more than creative evolution or skill development.
I had a chip on my shoulder in the early days of this blog. I was and (regrettably) still am an aggressive achiever. The end goal of financial independence shone bright as another trophy to add to the metaphorical mantle. And like everyone on the internet, I felt magnetically drawn to share the most brag-worthy aspects of my life publicly while sweeping the rest under the rug. As Morgan Housel has taught me, when we believe we are creating inspiration by sharing a proud achievement, what we might also be seeding is envy. And envy pushes people away.
So, what do you say when you haven’t worked a real job for four years and someone asks you what you do?
The Awkwardness in Discussing a Nontraditional Lifestyle
Today I’m nearly four years removed from my corporate life. I couldn’t be happier with what I’m doing and how much I’ve grown as a person. I just still haven’t cracked the code on how to explain this lifestyle to others without sounding like a braggart or an evangelist. And I’m not the only one.
A common topic on the website and podcast is the awkwardness of discussing what we do with our time. This of course applies to those who leave their traditional careers once they’ve achieved financial independence. My wife, rather, is financially independent but still works at her old job. It’s a good fit for her. It wasn’t for me and it won’t be for some of you. So, what do you say when you haven’t worked a real job for four years and someone asks you what you do? It’s uncomfortable, honestly.
These days I answer that I’m a writer. It’s true. I write every day. I write for this website and I write for other projects. But I don’t work for the New York Times, and I haven’t sold any books. Anyone can call themselves anything, but most people are going to eye roll in their minds if you tell them you’re a writer but can’t specifically point to works sold or employers who edit and pay for your writing. No sooner would I call myself a painter if I sometimes have two beers and finger paint (I don’t). Some would of course, and I admire that they don’t give a damn.
Working is Important…I think
I don’t bring up Clipping Chains in conversation with almost anyone. For many reasons—security being one of them—I don’t want in-person strangers or casual acquaintances to know about this project. I might say I run a personal finance website, which is generally enough to glaze the eyes of almost anyone. I’m proud of this project, but I usually can’t (or don’t want to) own it.
So, when I say I’m a writer I feel that metaphorical eye roll. I imagine many folks, financially independent or otherwise, working careers in the arts or humanities or crafts probably experience that same feeling: that what we do isn’t a real job.
What We Expect Work to Look Like
My grandfather, a man I respect and love dearly, seems to constantly bring up how he worked his whole life, how he never took unemployment*. He was always out there working, he says. Now, I can’t say for sure that he’s making subtle insinuations at me. He could be reflecting a general discontent with the modern work environment, where even full-time professionals work from a guest room in their own homes, as opposed to something more traditional. Say, donning coveralls and twisting iron fittings together in sheets of sideways rain** .
I can’t help but think that folks see financial independence as a bit of a cheat. As though one can find some discount code on the internet and pop it in a web browser and never have to work again. As though you maybe aren’t doing your part.
There’s no denying the struggle to relate. Take for instance people my age. Many of them juggle extremely busy schedules with full-time jobs, raising young children. I’m reading a novel at 2:00 pm on a Tuesday and they’re jacked on cortisol and running to a meeting on three hours of sleep after their kid peed in their face sometime before daybreak. I can’t fully understand their life, but I can understand that our lives are so different. So there again, I imagine and even sympathize with that eye roll. I don’t know their life, and they don’t know mine. But I’m certain they don’t want to hear about all my opportunities for quiet contemplation or getting comfortable with spending more. Many people are worried they’ll be at zero at the end of the month, much less the end of their life.
* For the record, I haven’t either.
**I had that job, by the way.
The Good News: A Nontraditional Lifestyle Gives You Control
Here is the good news: We have a handful of friends who (at least outwardly) appear to proudly fly the early retirement flag. In all cases, these individuals abandoned high-paying and high-status positions in their 30s or 40s. They’re proud of what it took not only achieve that goal, but also to say, “this is enough.” I don’t know how they explain their lives to strangers, but they appear content waking with the sun and tinkering the day away on whatever excites them. They don’t seem to care, and I admire that. I hope they stay that way.
With any luck, one day you’ll be fully in charge of your financial life. I want that for you. It’s a beautiful thing. You’ll be able to live in a way that few in history have experienced. It’s a privilege in the highest form, deserved, lucky, or otherwise. And you’ll change, hopefully for the better. But you may be surprised to learn that the world doesn’t understand or relate to how you choose to live. But know thyself, and do it anyway. You’ll be surprised at the new relationships and the unexpected paths.
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