Years ago, we decided to one day try living abroad for at least a year. We always loved traveling and also always felt that we never had enough time to truly experience a place beyond the superficial. I wanted to stay for a while, learn the language, and slowly morph into a new life mode. But now I’m starting to question the wisdom of this decision. Is living abroad a bad idea?
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We don’t have children and our dog is thirteen years old next month. I’ve been struggling with the idea of not having her in my life, but that reality will be here one day. And we’ve put off a lot of traveling and other life experiences in exchange for having this wonderful wolf in our lives. And one of the big items on our bucket list was to live abroad for at least a year.
Now, you may know that I’ve recently come to question the wisdom of a bucket list. Through my own anecdotal lived experience, I’m starting to see the truth in the research supporting the idea that if our wants exceed our haves, we will fail to find happiness. In other words, if we are always chasing something—new trips, higher grades, various other highs—our happiness cannot be maximized. In a comment thread on another blog, I recently read a post that said, “Experiences> things is just the latest way of keeping up with the Joneses in the Instagram world.” I tend to agree.
It’s not that experiences are bad. To the contrary, actually. Experiences can make us happy, but when we are all out on our treadmills trying to out-experience the next guy or gal, we can undermine the wholesomeness in the affair. It seems many have come to see the flaws in the material version of Keeping Up with the Joneses, but have failed to see how the tendency is still alive and well, merely shifted to new pursuits as tastes change.
Is my desire to live abroad really a desire to out-experience, masquerading as a genuine opportunity for personal growth?
So there’s that. But here are a few other considerations that wouldn’t have occurred to me years ago:
1. Meaningful friendships are one of the key predictors of happiness. How likely are we to find a community living abroad when we don’t speak the language, or at least don’t speak it well? Even if we do, we are cultural outsiders. I certainly know how outsiders are treated in my country.
2. Will the novelty wear off? I’m so giddy when I get off the plane in a different land. And that excitement lasts at least four or so weeks, my maximum time spent abroad. But will the novelty carry me for a year or more?
3. Bureaucracy: visas, handling money, getting a car (if needed), etc. I rank this one pretty low currently, but I’m sure this would rise in the rankings as go-time approached.
I want to elaborate on consideration number one. One of the primary reasons we moved back to Colorado was to enhance a feeling of community. Although we are still very early in that process, that bet appears to be paying off.
So would it be disadvantageous to put whatever new relationships we form here on ice for at least a year? Would those individuals move on in their lives without us or could we pull those relationships from the cryogenic freezer as if we’d never left? Honestly, that’s one thing I’ve noticed since being gone for three years: it’s not exactly been seamless to pick up where we left off with old friends, perhaps most notably because we no longer live in Denver and now reside some forty or so minutes away. There’s friction in that, and friction is terrible for relationships.
I enjoyed this article from a full-time traveler who now questions the notion that travel makes us happier in all cases.
So, what would you do if given the chance to travel for a year? Have you done this? What am I not considering? I’d love to hear about your experiences or thoughts.
I thought this was an interesting listen. A few of my own thoughts.
I lived abroad for a couple of years in my early 20s. It was a great experience. When you are living every day in a country and making an effort to get out and about, the language learning piece was not a huge concern (in retrospect). It did require significant effort, but I didn’t feel like this was a limiting factor after about 6 months.
I think the community aspect is interesting. I think that in many other cultures, community is higher valued in than in the U.S., and thus there are both more opportunities to engage and people are more open to engaging. Going into the experience with a hobby such as climbing will only aid in this transition (assuming you went somewhere with either a significant gym presence or outdoor climbing opportunities).
As far as maintaining old relationships, I agree this can be complex. Over the last decade, our family has lived in four separate areas throughout the country. In every area, we have met day to day friends, but also a couple of people that I consider to be good, long term friends. If a relationship can’t survive a year of distance, how deep was that bond initially?
My wife and I frequently talk about trying to move abroad, mainly for ideological and safety concerns for our kids. I often wonder what my personal responsibility is to try to affect change locally (which can sometimes seem like an insurmountable obstacle) vs looking for the greener grass abroad.
I know this is a lot of rambling, but my overall perspective is that a year is a short amount of time in the scheme of things and I know my time abroad only enriched my life. I think both finding a new community away and maintaining relationships at home are smaller obstacles in reality than in perception. Curious to hear more of your thoughts.
Thank you for this!
A few thoughts come to mind:
Someone in their twenties is hungry for exploration and growth. Those ambitions soften with time, so would the experience be the same for you at my age (late 30s?)?
I’m definitely getting the feedback that being involved with the climbing community will help (at least for me but not my wife). That said, I’ve talked with several climber couples who still found it challenging to get to know locals more deeply, especially where there was a language barrier. Some of these folks spoke the language but perhaps didn’t speak it with enough proficiency to encourage easy conversation. I’m less interested in hanging out with ex-pat communities, although this could still have its own benefits.
I have the same thoughts on ideology. I think I’d gain far more satisfaction from helping to affect change, as you say. This is coming from someone who is a master of running from problems!
All in all, you’re probably right. It’s a short window of time in the grand scheme of things. And if my relationships suffer then they probably weren’t as strong as I thought anyway! But that makes me wonder even more if I should stay and work on that skill set first.
This was an interesting thought exercise. Especially as I’ve lived abroad for 25 years! (in the US and I’m from the UK).
I was really excited to live abroad for a year when I set out – new climbing to explore, the vast scenery of the US but I definitely struggled with the lack of community in the US. Climbing was a lifeline but the lack of easy access to climbing was a challenge (I was used to 10 minute drives rather than 3-6 hour ones). A year would have been an adventure, I would have happily gone back then. It’s taken years to build up a community in the US and a lot of that community has been through kids – that’s a big connector in the US. The fact that you have to drive to the crags and that the weather is good means there is less close ties between climbers here – less hanging out in the rain or round eachothers houses looking for weather windows.
If you have a strong community, a year is nothing. Absolutely nothing. When I first revisited Sheffield after 2 years people asked if I’d been injured or started going to a different pub. I returned to North Wales after 23 years and just slotted right back in. So decent friends are there for you after a year.
That said if you moved to the Front Range to build community and that’s working, it might be the time to consolidate on that.
But a year out in a different culture? Such an experience – climbers are a friendly bunch and pretty welcoming. And while you are there you get to disengage from your own cultural conditioning and look at it with fresh eyes. That’s been the biggest gift for me. And you get the chance at being able to call two places your home in the future (which might come in useful one day).
Thanks, Jane!
This is a very useful perspective. I completely agree that one of my favorite benefits of travel is the ability to disengage from my own cultural conditioning. So it stands to reason that spending more time abroad would help to gain a better perspective. It sounds like the key is developing strong relationships at home to ensure they stay intact when/if we travel for some time.