Ego and Mastery: Looking Good vs Being Good

From the way we dress, the content we put on social media, to even the routes we climb, our ego often runs the show. To pursue mastery of any sort, a high level of discomfort is required, usually in spite of the ego’s desire for pedestal-worthy achievement. I’ve had a slow and steady awakening over the past few years, allowing me to begin to see just how much my ego is in control. (Cliff Notes: a lot).

Let’s start with a climbing example, but hang in there non-climbers (PUN)!

What Are We Measuring?

Across the globe, the rock climbing community utilizes rating systems to establish the difficulty of a route or boulder problem. In essence, the rating system can be used as a gauge of progress. If you can “send” (i.e., climb from ground to top without falls) a higher grade, you are a better climber, right?

Similarly, take a look at weight lifting. It should come as no surprise, that as you add weights to your lift du jour you are getting stronger, right? The guy who deadlifts 300 pounds is obviously stronger than the guy who lifts 250 pounds. You beefcake, you.

But what if the guy lifting 300 pounds has terrible form, is slopping through the reps, and is about 2 pounds from fire-bombing his spine? And what if the guy lifting 250 pounds has perfect form, a flat back, and is “owning” that 250 pounds? Now the situation is a little less cut-and-dry.

Checking the Ego: The Climbing Example

For some of us, a fun but “not a big deal” hobby becomes serious eventually. The low-level OCD in me makes me pursue any interest with great intention, and perhaps you understand that feeling. Nearly every hobby I’ve ever embraced has quickly evolved to full-tilt obsession, and climbing might be the mothership of hobby obsessions. I want mastery.

But what the ego really wants is not necessarily slow, quantifiable signs of progress but crowning achievements. And unfortunately, we’re willing to cheat the system to appease the ego monster.

In the climbing world, “chasing grades” is the term used to describe climbers who appear only willing to climb the next grade. A climber might subconsciously gravitate towards routes or boulder problems that are a less challenging style. In doing so, the chance to learn a vast array of skills in a less comfortable environment is potentially bypassed.

The ego wants glory, and the ego wants to look good. The ego can’t fathom failure.

Ironically, by pursuing “mastery” in the form of higher achievements on paper, we might be sidestepping true mastery.

Reframing for Mastery

A couple of years ago I battled with this delimma myself. I had a goal to climb a certain grade by the end of the year.

Picking a grade as a goal is the first red flag of the ego: I was not inspired by a certain route or place, I just wanted the grade. I picked a route that I hoped was doable, but I struggled. I was missing the opportunity to get reps: lots of moves, hold types, wall angles. Instead I was thrashing and flailing on a single route to check a box that somehow signifies I’m now a better climber. I was trading long-term progress for a short-term victory — just what the ego desires.

Let’s not get it twisted: moving up in the grades is a sign of progression. It’s immensely important to struggle, and it’s equally important to have goals that push you beyond your comfort zone. Having a long-term project is a key element of learning, but it must be balanced and supported by a hefty base of previous experience.

Change in Plans

In the end, I threw in the towel on that objective and traded it for a pursuit of mastery. Instead of striving for the big projects that would take weeks of effort, I took on the opportunity to push myself for short-term wins. I still looked for ways to embrace discomfort, but I wanted a wider breadth of experience not achievable by pursuing a single route.

In essence, I wanted to own the weight before throwing on the next plate.

Will the time come again to beat my head against the wall on a single project? Yes, of course. The stories of those who can achieve the seemingly impossible are alluring, but let’s not forget all the small victories that have led up to those crowning achievements.

The Ego and Your Money

Golly folks, I’d be remiss if I didn’t somehow tie this ramble back to finances, eh?

This one is easy. For my American audience, we’ve all heard the phrase “keeping up with the Joneses.” This is the idea that the folks down the street (The Joneses) have a late-model car, a well manicured lawn, and a well-maintained home. Our house, with a filthy old car, a moderate but understandable amount of weeds in the yard, and chipping paint, looks comparatively much worse.

So what do we do? We have a subconscious desire to put forth an image like the Joneses. What we may not realize though is that the Joneses are far more likely to carry debt and the constant stress of projecting an image of excellence and prestige. And there’s no practical value to any of it.

Ego: Comparisons and Happiness

Man, I’m guilty of this as much as anyone. I’ve found myself looking up prices on marble countertops, and other vanity items. Everyone in the neighborhood has it, so we at least need to compete, right? What if we want to sell our house? Will we suffer on the value of our home because we don’t have these “essentials?”

The problem is, I don’t really see much value in those items. You might, and that’s ok. But we don’t. I’m more of a practical guy.

Does the table work as a table? Great, I’ll take it.

I’ve touched on this on a post about individuality: there’s a very real drive to fit in. As one study points out, our brains actually show different pleasure and pain responses when faced with the successes or failures of our peers. When we perform well and our peers do not, we are happy. Conversely, we are mega bummed when we fail and others succeed. All the hommies sent the proj and I didn’t? Ugh, the worst.

Tie It Together

So, I guess I’m doing my part in keeping at least some people happy. And allow me to explain: We live simply and do what we can to master this life. In doing so, these practices enable us the opportunity to pursue financial freedom. That makes me exceptionally happy.

But a peer might see Mr. CC as someone who could use some improvement. You know, I’m always walking around in my blown-out old shoes. Perhaps if I had his level of success, I could afford those Italian leather shoes. In his mind, by comparison to me, he’s winning.

Now that guy is happy.

So it goes.

Kurt Vonnegut

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Where is your ego dictating the course of your life?

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Thanks guys, see you next week.